I have been known to say....Coulda, woulda shoulda! I realize this is not proper English but it gets the point across. I stop and think about something in the past and how I should have done it different or a decision I could have made differently. I sometimes have thought what if I could have done this or that. Truth is we cant change the past!
If I had only known what a blessing homeschooling is, I would have started with my first born right off the bat. But I cant dwell on that. I must embrace the time I have with them now. The years that the Lord is willing to give me. My prayer everyday is that I am a better mom today then I was yesterday, and that He allows me to see all the blessings He has given me, and that He continues to give me His grace & mercy to be able to teach & love on my kiddos!
If only I knew that hubby & I really would want more than 4 kids, we would not have made the decision to handle things in our own way & not fully rely on God. Instead I have to thank Him for the wonderful 4 I have & pray about what God has in store for us as parents, and what He wants for our children.
I really wish I had known that the way I was raised to eat, was not the best. Don't get me wrong...my mom did a great job of feeding us well rounded meals and not a lot of junk. But maybe they were a bit too rounded. And the pairing of foods was actually not the best for me. BUT, I have now learned and am thankful for the ladies who have opened my eyes & are teaching me now. I am down 9 pounds, almost 2 dress sizes and still going. (see previous post re: THM)
So the big one...while we are planning our Evan's Birthday party (he will be 8 ,end of the month) I think back thru the years past with all of my kiddos. Birthdays always do that to me, and I think: Have I done everything the way I shoulda, maybe I coulda been a little calmer at times, what if I woulda taken that extra minute and played a little longer? I cant get this past year back...what if?
What I do know is this...I have prayed for my kiddos without ceasing! My husband and my kids are the first ones on my prayer list. I cover them with prayers of peace, protection, mercy, guidance, joy, humbleness, self control etc. Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.(the Message)
So for me I really need to just let God have all my coulda, woulda, shouldas, and be Thankful no matter what, and KNOW that God knows the plans He has for us and despite my past, HE is in control!